Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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