he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
