its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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