u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
