I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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