Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
His hands were made for my vagina.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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