jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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