I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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