Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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