also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
