if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize