Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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