yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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