My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
