Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
