i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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