so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
