Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
