i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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