Please, let me fuck your mom
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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