Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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