I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
