I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
