Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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