haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
