This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
