I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
