is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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