I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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