meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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