I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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