did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Panties = found
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
