Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pants are for mortals
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
