Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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