I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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