yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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