If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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