i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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