I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
