Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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