I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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