found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
one might say we're banned from that church
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
