Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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