It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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