Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
