I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
