If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
