exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
