Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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