It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
