So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
