The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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