I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
