Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
