haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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