I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
