this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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