You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
