He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
