Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
