can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
