first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mom said you looked used
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
