Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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