You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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