RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
