On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
