any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
