she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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